I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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