i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
