So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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