What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
