i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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