I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
