my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
