in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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