Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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