I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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