but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
