I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
