I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
