I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
