I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
