I cannot find my penis.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
