3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
