Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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