Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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