every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
