wrigley field is MILF paradise
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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