hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
