Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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