dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
