chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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