If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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