Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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