i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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