i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
