His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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