I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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