apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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