For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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