Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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