You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
