We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
