He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
