WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
