Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
