Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
