They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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