my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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