I feel like I'm in dance class right now
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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