he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
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