My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
