Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
