my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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