if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
