Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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