in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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