it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize
