Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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