i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
