Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
