How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you win again, gameday.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
