Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
