It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
