mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Randomize
