my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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