Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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