he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
