make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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