Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
