I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
