Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
