operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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