I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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