Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
