I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
