On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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