All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
