mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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