the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
