Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
