Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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