im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
