Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
