um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
