Farmville is her only friend.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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