Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
