I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
