I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
