.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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