Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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