dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
