I want to walk on stilts...naked
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
